Changes in China

I waited until the last day of the month, hoping I could tell you we had been matched with our little one, but that's not the case. We're still waiting. I have no doubt in my mind that the wait will be worth it, but it's not easy. That being said, there have been some recent changes made in China that make me super thankful our dossier has already been reviewed and we're "safe". There is a blog post that explains the changes better here, but basically, China is not issuing waivers for their requirements of prospective adoption parents. This barely affects us, as our reason for not meeting the requirement was temporary (I was pregnant so I was over the BMI limit) and resolved (definitely not pregnant still). I don't even think we had an official waiver. It makes sense as to why they are tightening the reigns (see the link), but I'm glad we're in the clear on it. It sounds like if your dossier has already been reviewed, then you're exempt from the newly enforced rules. I do feel for the families whom this does greatly affect and they are definitely in my prayers. At this point, if someone told me we could no longer adopt, it would be devastating. The other big change is that orphanage partnerships by agencies are not being renewed and agencies are not able to visit the orphanages at this time. It's unclear as to when/if they will be renewed, but it sounds like this is to create a bit more regulation in this area, which is understandable. Partnerships give agencies exclusivity to children's files in that orphanage in exchange for agencies making visits with Western medical teams and making the orphanage a better place to live for the kids. It seems like this is mutually beneficial, so maybe it's just on hold until the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption) figures out how they want to manage this in a more organized fashion. We do know that all of the agencies are having to establish themselves as non-government organizations in China, which would allow China to have more control over it, I would imagine. Current partnerships are still allowed to exist until they expire, so hopefully these changes really won't affect our process. We think a lot about our girl, pray she is well and happy, and look forward to knowing who she is! When we do match we won't be able to share that with everyone immediately, but we definitely will as soon as we are allowed to!

On December 4th, our pastor and family friend, Pat Cronin, passed away unexpectedly. Pastor Pat had written recommendation letters for our adoption and would ask how things were going regularly. I am thankful that he had such a hand in the process as we work to bring our girl home, writing the most recent recommendation during our home study update in November, but it does make me sad that he won't get to meet her. He loved children and I know he would have loved her!

The boys are doing well! We had a great Christmas and it was extra fun this year because Graham seemed to understand everything better. It was fun making the season magical for him and sharing with him about the birth of Jesus. Charlie is so sweet and snuggly and really just an easy baby! He is starting to "goo" some and is working really hard on cutting his first teeth! It's hard to believe he is already five months old. Though the waiting for Ellie is difficult, it is made much easier when I think about it as the longer we wait to be matched, the older Charlie will be when we have to leave him at home for two weeks. We considered taking them with us to China, but the drive to Florida in November sealed the deal on that one. Charlie Harris is staying home! Graham has always been a great traveller, but not so much for Charlie. As Tom said, Graham is a picky eater here, what do you think he would eat in China?! I think it will be less stressful for all of us for them to stay here, but we will miss them like crazy!!

Hopefully the next time I update it will be to share that we have been matched!

Please pray:
-For our family, church family, and Pat's family as we all grieve and figure out what happens next
-That our Ellie is well and happy
-That we will be matched with her soon!
-We have begun working to prepare Graham for a sister, so pray that goes a whole lot better than preparing him for a brother!

I ordered this ornament as a part of someone's adoption fundraiser. 

I look forward to holding her in my arms next Christmas!

Graham has just recently started playing some with Charlie.

It's super sweet and of course, Charlie loves it! 

Waiting...

Since we started this journey and began blogging about it last January to provide updates to family and friends, and a journal for us later, I have updated at least once a month. I'm not one for breaking streaks, so here is a quick update.

After our home study we completed necessary paperwork to inform Immigration that Charlie was a part of our family and we still would like to adopt internationally. We also received our completed and super officially notarized copy of our updated home study. The immigration form (called a Supplement 3, which sounds pretty official) was overnighted to USCIS on November 22. Our original immigration approval took about 10 days (I think), so hopefully there is a letter from the federal government in our mailbox this weekend saying we're still good to go. I don't expect any issues, but it will be nice to have it on paper. This isn't holding up matching or anything, but I like to get the "To Do" list checked off.

We are now three months into our wait for a referral. In the adoption world we say we have been LID for three months. We still expect to wait about another three months. Some days waiting is hard and other days waiting is harder. Praying for her helps because that is something we can do when really there isn't much else we can do for her right now. We decided to wait until closer to Charlie's due date to talk to Graham about his brother, which didn't really work out since Charlie was over 5 weeks early and he was totally blindsided. To avoid the blindside again, we have started talking about Graham's sister with him. I am sure he doesn't understand it all, but at least we can avoid another blindside. He knows her name and his mispronunciation is adorable. We keep telling him she lives far away right now and we will have to go get her. Hopefully that sinks in by late Spring/early Summer when we think we may travel.

We did officially pick a first name! We have seriously been talking about names since April when we found out Charlie was a boy and we would be adopting a girl. It's REALLY nice to be able to call her by name rather than our nickname "China Baby"! We are waiting to pick a middle name until we receive a referral, since we may or may not use her Chinese name depending on who named her and what meaning it may have for her later on. Graham's middle name is Tom's middle name and Charlie's middle name is Tom's first name, so we felt like we should definitely use a family name. We have decided on Elizabeth (my middle name) and will be calling her Ellie! Or as Graham says, "Eddy"! :-)

I am very thankful that this time next year we will be teaching Ellie all about Christmas!

 This is the face of a little boy who just rolled over for the first time Sunday! 

Graham is getting so big and can peddle on his bike!

Please pray for Ellie and that we will know who she is soon!

Home Study Update

Happy Fall! We have been busy! On October 12th we were notified that our dossier (our pack of documents and home study) was out of translation and had moved into the review stage. This is where it is reviewed by officials in China to see if we meet their requirements. Then, on October 20th we were notified that our dossier had completed review and we were in the "to be matched" stage. Basically, China is done with our paperwork until we match. Our agency sent out an email a few weeks ago that the wait for a referral is growing longer and is now at about six months. This is longer than we expected, but "our spot in line" started when we were LID (August 23rd), not from the home study update, so we're already over two months in on the wait. Also, while I'm anxious to know who our daughter is and to bring her home, Tom and I have both had peace through this entire process that God does not make mistakes and we will be matched with the child He has always intended for our family, regardless of how long that takes. It could be anywhere from a few days to more than six months, so we just prepare for a long wait and might be pleasantly surprised with a short one!

It's hard to believe that Charlie is already three months old! Since he is, we were able to update our home study. The social worker came over this morning for a brief visit. She met Charlie and asked how everyone was doing with addition of a new baby. It really was a short and sweet visit, which was nice! She said the Home Study addendum should be completed sometime next week. I also received information from our social worker in Alabama on how to update our immigration application, so we'll work on that and send it and the official home study off to the Department of Homeland Security. I'm not sure if this is when we are eligible to match, but it feels better knowing we are accomplishing tasks rather than just waiting. We also have about nine (more) hours of mandatory education to complete before we can travel, so we're getting started on that.

Graham continues to adjust to life as a family of four, but has been doing much better. He loves to show his brother "Charry" to his friends and always wants to know where he is when they aren't together. Our social worker encouraged us today that the first child usually has a tough time with the addition of the first sibling, but it's not as bad with subsequent siblings. Charlie is getting so big and is starting to smile, "talk", and occasionally giggle. He likes to watch his brother play and despite my best attempts to prevent it, he tries to get his thumb in his mouth. I wish he would take a pacifier so we could take it away eventually, but I guess you never have to worry about forgetting a thumb at home. He also is sleeping through the night 7pm-6am a few nights a week and only waking once at about 4am on the other nights, so we are getting some good sleep! I started back at work this week, just two mornings a week, and it's good to be back. I truly enjoy my work and am glad it works out for our family for me to work some, even if it's not much during this season of life. We took a quick family trip to the mountains a few weeks ago, which was quite the adventure, and are heading to Disney World for a few days next week. It's been a very busy fall, but it makes the wait seem shorter!

At Shenandoah Cavern. It was so beautiful!

Quick Update, or lack thereof

Not much to share, but it's been awhile, so I thought I would just give a quick update. On August 23, the day after our LID, our dossier was officially in translation. It has to be translated into Chinese to be reviewed by the government, which is the next step. Our home study update isn't scheduled yet, but should be late October/ early November. Our agency checks for dossier movement on Mondays, and if there is a change, our social worker emails us. Needless to say, I check my email compulsively on Mondays. Nothing new recently. The more movement our dossier makes before we match, hopefully the less time we will have to wait to travel after we match.

Graham has started going to preschool half days Tuesday-Thursday, rather than full days. The schedule change, in addition to Charlie's arrival, have thrown him for a bit of a loop. Please pray that his heart would be eased and that he feels a sense of normal soon. I feel like he's getting there. Soon we will start talking to him about having a new sister, but I wanted to let the whole new brother thing settle in first.

Charlie is growing so fast! He's starting to smile, is pretty easy going, and LOVES to watch his brother. Graham was such a tiny baby, so I'm getting used to having a squishy, chunky boy!

Brothers hanging out

Graham at the beach

Charlie smiling!

LID!

Another acronym! We're LID today, which means "Logged In Dossier"! Our dossier is now officially in the CCCWA system in China and will now be moving through their system to be translated and reviewed. This is a big step! Woo hoo! While we are technically "on hold", the timing has been perfect because things are still happening while we wait. A lot of people have asked when we will have a referral and when we will bring her home. The honest truth is this: We don't know! An educated guess would be that we may travel to China sometime in the Spring/Summer next year, but we really have no idea. We could match our first day off hold or it could take more than six months for a referral. We do know this: God has already chosen our daughter. She was picked for our family before she was born and we will be matched with her when the time is right, whether that time is near or far away. From talking to others and reading the adoption blogs, matching quickly generally means a long wait for your paperwork to be processed to travel and a long wait to match usually means your paperwork will get processed more quickly, so it probably evens out.

My friend from college, Laura, is an amazingly talented photographer and came up from Charleston to take newborn pictures of Charlie and our family! Check them out! This is a link to her blog which has a bunch more pictures of us if you haven't already seen them. There is a link from there to her website too! http://gallerybylaura.com/blog/2016/08/21/rainbow-baby-newborn-session-charleston-sc-photographer/

Please pray for Graham: I think he's realizing Charlie is here to stay and has had a rough week. It's clear he loves Charlie, but also is having a hard time with adjusting to my attention being split and his routine being different. We did make time for a date on Saturday night, which was so fun!

One of my favorite pictures from www.gallerybylaura.com because Charlie does this one-eyed face ALL THE TIME!

Graham and mommy go on a date! 

We're DTC!!!!

We're DTC!!!!! What does that even mean?! I have learned through this process that there are a ton of adoption acronyms, and I still don't know what a lot of them mean, but this is a BIG one! DTC is Dossier To China! For months we worked on our home study, chased paperwork, and pursued government clearances so that all these documents could be sent to China, and now, they're on the way! Woo hoo! The next step will be LID (Log in Dossier or Log in Date, I've seen it both ways). This is when we are officially entered into China's system. Our social worker said we can expect that notification in 3-4 weeks, then it will be translated, reviewed, and we'll be eligible to match, sort of. Our home study will still need to be updated to include Charlie before we can match, and that won't be done until late October/early November, but we are definitely moving forward! I was just telling someone on Tuesday how hard it is to know our daughter is "out there", but we don't know her yet and that I get a little jealous of the Chinese Olympians because they get to go home to the country where our girl lives. The timing of the DTC notification is definitely a blessing and is a good reminder that we ARE getting closer to knowing who she is and to bringing her home! While we eagerly anticipate being closer to receiving our match, we are also aware of the precious time as a family of four, because, compared to most families, it won't be long before there are five of us. Charlie is such a sweet baby and has made the transition to four pretty easy so far. We're so thankful for making this big step toward five today!
Why the picture of plate of cookies? Since Charlie was born I try to be intentional about doing special "big boy" things with Graham. This afternoon, we made homemade chocolate chip cookies! I was just taking the first batch out of the oven when I heard Tom call out from his office, "We got an email!" I'll admit I had no idea what he was talking about until I went in and saw the email from our social worker letting us know that this afternoon we were DTC! Woo hoo! And now we have cookies to celebrate!

WOO HOO!!!

Snuggles with Charlie this afternoon while our cookies baked :-)

Graham walked to the Bog Garden with Grandma this morning. Yay for a fun DTC day! 

Welcome to the world, Charlie!

Charlie is now two weeks old, so it's about time I tell his story! Two Fridays ago I had been having a lot of contractions (and had had some for the week and a half prior). I called the OB office a day or so after they started and was assured they were just normal Braxton Hicks contractions since they weren't regular and would come and go. I mentioned it again at my Tuesday appointment and was assured that it is very likely I could have some contractions since this wasn't my first baby, but that it was perfectly normal. I was actually given the go ahead to go to Hilton Head Island with my family for vacation, which I had resigned myself to missing out on. We began busily planning to go to the beach and we continued with our normal routine for the week. That Friday I continued to have contractions, they were fairly strong, but not at all regular. We went to the pool with my mom in the morning, since swimming when you're super pregnant is wonderful and really relieves a lot of back pressure and the heaviness of pregnancy (yay for a summer baby!). When Graham took a nap that afternoon, I took a nap, which is not my usual. After the nap, the contractions were still sporadic. We went to JC Penney to return some dresses and had a perfectly normal evening. The contractions continued after dinner, and I was about to call the OB, when they tapered off. As a nurse, I have a bad habit of trying to not be a "needy" patient and I always put off calling the doctor until I know I can't handle the situation. Well, the contractions wore off, so we went to bed. About an hour and half later I woke up to my water breaking. I was induced for being past my due date with Graham, so this was definitely a new experience for us! We were pretty surprised and unprepared, since at that time, I was 34 weeks 5 days. Surprisingly, there weren't any contractions. I called the doctor and was very relieved that my physician was on call. Of course, she instructed us to head to the hospital. I called my mom to come stay with Graham and she was about as surprised as we were to get that midnight call. Once at the hospital, they confirmed my water broke and we were admitted to Labor and Delivery. Still, no contractions. Pitocin was later started to get some contractions going, and it definitely worked. One fabulous epidural later, I was pretty comfortable! Graham's birth took FOREVER, his heart rate kept dropping dangerously low, my epidural wasn't good after three attempts, I had a partial abruption of the placenta, we almost went to emergency c-section twice, and he was eventually vacuum extracted with a double nuchal cord. Talk about drama. This is why everyone was so surprised when Charlie was born at 4:34pm on Saturday afternoon without any fuss and after two easy, painless, pushes. Because he was early, the NICU staff were present for his birth, but he looked great and was able to stay with me for about 15-20 minutes before going to NICU. Charlie was a rock star in the NICU. He did well with his temps, blood sugars, and weighed in at 5lb 5oz. A great size for a not-quite-35-weeker! Graham was 6lb 7oz at more than 40 weeks, so we were impressed with Charlie's size! According to hospital policy, babies born at less than 35 weeks have to go to NICU. Charlie was born 7 hours short of the official 35 week mark. The 24 hours he spent in NICU were very busy, with going back and forth between being with him and being back at my room for the nurses to do what they had to do for me. It was difficult to find time to eat and sleep with also trying to be in the NICU for every feeding. After years of taking care of kids in the hospital, I have a new found appreciation for the parents that have been through it. Charlie was only in NICU 24 hours and it was tough and exhausting. I can't imagine the months long journey many families take. The nurses in the NICU were fantastic and really advocated for Charlie to get to stay in our room the second night. Thanks to their advocacy, and Charlie's good behavior, he was released at 24 hours old and we were thrilled! Up until this point, Graham hadn't met him, since, for obvious reasons, toddlers aren't allowed in NICU. I had missed everyone getting to meet Charlie, since I was stuck in L&D for a few hours after he was born, but I was thankful that I didn't miss this meeting! I have wondered for months if Graham really understood what was happening. I had planned on preparing him more during the month we had left and had signed him up for "Sibling Class" at the hospital for a few weeks before my due date. We didn't get to do any of our planned Big Brother prep activities, but at their first meeting, it was clear that Graham got it! He was excited to see his brother, a little confused about the whole hospital situation, and definitely out of his routine. One thing we had gotten done was prepare a gift "from Charlie" for Graham and Graham brought a gift for Charlie. That went over well! Charlie and I were both discharged on Monday morning. We were all so glad to be home and so thankful for a healthy boy! I am so thankful for God's protection over Charlie and for the wonderful staff that took care of us!
Charlie continues to do well! He is a great eater, which isn't usual for a late pre-term baby, and is up to 5lb 12 oz already! That's 7oz more than his birth weight! We haven't had to supplement feedings in over a week, and for the most part, he sleeps pretty well at night. Graham has been a little blindsided, so we're being careful to spend intentional time with him, as well as trying to maintain his normal routine. He has been a great helper and we are really focusing on the word "gentle"!

And now for a million pictures:

The day before my water broke my friends at work threw a baby shower. Thank goodness they took a picture! Last "bump pic" before baby!

Charles Thomas Harris

7/23/16 4:34pm

5lb 5oz 18 inches

Tom followed Charlie to NICU after his birth. Charlie immediately drank half an ounce of formula.

The second time I got to hold Charlie! They had to roll me up on a stretcher because my right leg wouldn't wake up from the epidural! No complaints though. It was a GREAT epidural :-)

I got to put Charlie's first clothes on him

Graham meets Charlie

Brothers!

First family of four picture

Charlie gave Graham a Big Brother present!

Ready to head home!

Welcome Home Charlie!

Caden, Addison, Collins, Graham & Charlie

At Charlie's first doctor's appointment