We're in China!

We have made it! We are finally on the same side of the planet as Ellie! It has been a whirlwind so far, so I apologize for just now updating on our travels. We left our house at about 4:20am Thursday morning, flew from Jacksonville to Chicago, and then flew 13.5 hours to Beijing. The flight to Beijing wasn't terrible, but it was long. We arrived in Beijing at 3:15pm on Friday China time, which was about 23 hours elapsed time of travel for us. A guide picked us up at the airport and took us to our hotel. The weather in Beijing is warm/hot, but about the same or as Florida. Tom and I went to the room to unload our things and then found a Chinese restaurant in the hotel. We had Kung pao chicken, sweet and sour shrimp, and dumplings. It was very delicious. After dinner we were able to FaceTime with the boys for a few minutes and then we finally fell asleep around 8pm local time. I was wide awake the next morning at 3:30am due to the time adjustment. We had to be up incredibly early Saturday to catch our flight to Kunming, so I wasn't terribly concerned with trying to sleep longer and adjust quite yet. We decided instead to go ahead and get ready for the day. Our hotel is about a mile from Tiananmen Square, so we took a nice morning walk there. It was early, so the weather was nice. On the way there we walked down a back street, which was fairly quiet and scenic. We walked past the French Embassy, which was impressive. We got to the entrance to the square area and decided we didn't have enough time to go through security and actually enter the square, so we just saw it from across the road. We then walked back on a more busy main road. When we got back to the hotel we ate breakfast. The breakfast buffet had western and Chinese foods. We then met our guide with another adoptive family and started the trip to the Great Wall. 

Jacksonville, FL is the largest city by land mass in the continental US. It has nothing on Beijing! 2 hours into our van ride to the Great Wall, we were still in Beijing! We were able to see some of the country side, which was beautiful. We took a ski lift up the mountain to the wall. It was very scenic and pretty scary! Tom and I walked a fair ways on the wall. It has steps and walkways, but parts are very steep. The view is beautiful and of course the wall extends further than we could see. Our guide gave us some history of the wall while on the way there. It was built under three dynasties, each one making it longer and/or taller. She said it was 6,000km or about 3,700 miles! Not all parts of the wall are still maintained by the government and are climb at your own risk. The section we were at though, Mutianyu section, is very well maintained though. Every couple hundred feet or so there was a watchtower, and some of the watchtowers had steps to go on top of it. One of them had a very small cannon. After spending a while on the wall we took a toboggan sled down the mountain. That was very fun! We left the Great Wall and traveled back to the center of Beijing to an acrobat show. The show was similar to what you see acrobats do at the circus in the US. It was pretty impressive. Our guide then took us to a small restaurant famous for Peking noodles. From there we went back to the hotel. 

We woke up at 3:30 this morning to get ready to head to Kunming. Ellie lives in Kunming. The Beijing airport is massive and I'm glad our guide had us get there early. The bus ride from the terminal to the plane was almost a half hour. A meal was served on the plane. I'm not sure what it was...but it was pretty decent. We recognized vanilla yogurt, rolls, and a muffin. We added some type of pickled vegetables to some type of porridge. Tom liked it, but the pickled vegetables weren't really my thing. The porridge was pretty good though. We were the only non-Chinese folks on the plane, so we just watched what everyone else was doing, which is how we knew to add the vegetables to the porridge. The flight from Beijing to Kunming was about three hours. 

We arrived and Kunming and it was very literally a breath of fresh air. It's much cooler here with a nice breeze and much less pollution than Beijing. Our guide, Susan, met us at the airport and we drove almost an hour to the hotel where she checked us in and took us to get lunch. Susan has met Ellie a few times and says she is so beautiful, always smiling and laughing, has such a good temperament, is very smart, and her nannies are very proud of her and proud that she is being adopted. The honor is ours. 

Right now we are a little less than three miles from Ellie. It's a bit surreal after all this time and being so far apart to finally be here. We will meet Ellie at 3pm tomorrow afternoon (3am EST). We are nervous and excited!!

Please pray for all three of us, for calm spirits and especially for Ellie. 

The boys seems to be doing well at home, though we miss them a lot. Charlie has been sick since before we left, but after another doctor's visit Saturday morning, it sounds like there is a good plan to get him feeling better soon. Please continue to pray for them as well. Next update: Ellie is ours!

Right after we landed in China

Dumplings

At The Great Wall

Acrobat show 

Kunming 

Kunming

Ellie's bed is ready! 

Helping Ellie Learn Her People

There are maybe a zillion articles about adoption and attachment, and I will add some links at the bottom, but I wanted to let you all know how you can help us with the big mission of teaching Ellie who her people are. Tom and I have had to go through many hours of training on this, and while we ourselves are still learning, we are happy to talk about it more if you have questions.

Months before a baby is born, she starts to bond with her parents. Pretty early on she can hear her mother's voice. She lives life to the constant cadence of her mother's heartbeat. The way her mother walks is soothing to her. After a while she can hear her dad's muffled voice, learning its tone as well. After birth, she recognizes those voices. When her mom snuggles with her, she hears that familiar heartbeat. The way her mom walks as she holds her is still familiar and comforting. Newborn vision is pretty poor, but very soon she can see the blurry face of her parents when she is in their arms, and not much else. They look into her eyes and she begins to recognize their faces and bond with them. Every time she cries they pick her up and soothe her. Every time she is uncomfortable because she is hungry or her diaper is dirty, they meet her need. She doesn't even have a concept of why she feels sad when she is cold or hungry before she understands that her mom and dad will take care of her. Hundreds of times a day she has a need, they meet the need. She is hungry, lonely, cold, too hot, sleepy, ready to play. They meet every need, every time. They are literally her entire world. She learns very early on that these are her people.

For a child who has lived in an orphanage her entire life, this is not the case. For reasons we will likely never know, shortly after birth, Ellie was separated from the familiar voice, heartbeat, and movements of her biological mother. She has lived in an orphanage since her very first days. She is at a great facility and appears to be very well taken care of. We are told her nannies adore her, but it's not the same. Even with pretty good ratios of nannies to babies, it's impossible for the same one or two people to meet all of her needs around the clock. She is used to crying and waiting until it's her turn for someone to get to her, or just giving up on it and not crying at all. She is used to someone caring for her for a shift, and then they leave. Yes, they will be the same person to care for her the next day, but she is still cared for in shifts. She is nurtured in shifts. She is loved in shifts. She sleeps in a room with rows and rows of other cribs with other babies who live their lives shift to shift. She is likely used to a pretty regimented schedule because how else could you provide for so many little ones and get their basic physical needs met? I'm sure her nannies love her, they have said they do. I mean, how could you not? She's so cute! As a nurse who cared for babies in shifts, sometimes every shift for more than six months at a time, I know some of what these nannies feel. I'm sure they feel genuine concern of their charge. They know every little thing about them. What they like and don't like. How they look when they are about to fall asleep. The temperature they like their milk. What soothes them best. If they like to be patted or rocked. They do their very best to provide the best to the little ones in their care, but like me, they go home at the end of the day. They live their life and have their own family, stress, joys, and goals. I remember and think about some of the patients I took care of long-term in my first months as a nurse, almost ten years ago. For some, I have kept in touch with their families, some I wonder how they are doing even this many years later, some have passed on. I'm sure the nannies think of the babies they have cared for, as well. For the vast majority of my patients, though, they had parents. These babies don't. I was not there to be their mom and the nannies are not mom to the orphans either.

Right now, Ellie has no concept of "mommy" and "daddy". She has no idea that this is not normal for everyone. At just thirteen months old, this is just what life is like. We are so excited and prepared for the challenge of teaching her everyday what "mommy" and "daddy" are.

A large part of what will affect Ellie's ability to bond to us is her past relationships. We are thankful she is in a "good" orphanage and is well taken care of. This means she is most likely pretty well bonded to her nannies, which will help her understand the concept of "caregiver". That will be the first step. The second step will be teaching her that we aren't shift to shift or going anywhere or just another caregiver. This is where we need help from our friends and family.

The biggest way you can help Ellie attach to us is to not help Ellie. 

We have to start over from the beginning for her. It will be very much like having a newborn for a while. For the first few weeks and maybe months, Tom and I will be the only ones who will provide for Ellie's physical and emotional care. We will feed her, change her diapers, bathe her, pick her up when she falls (even if she doesn't cry), give her hugs and kisses, show her affection, and hold her. She will learn that her needs are met by only us and we are her people.

When we first arrive at the airport on our way home, that is the best time to meet Ellie. You won't be able to hold her yet, but after that, we will keep her world small for a while. We will not have visitors in our home for a while. If family comes to visit, they will stay at a nearby hotel and mostly help with the boys. We ask that friends and family not provide for any of her physical or emotional needs. If she seems hungry or wants a snack, let me know so I can give her food. If her diaper needs to be changed we know any of our friends or family would be happy to change it, but please let us. If she falls and cries, let her cry until I get to her. Even the first time we leave her with a caregiver, for example, the church nursery, we will ask that they do not attempt to comfort her if she cries. We would rather her wait a minute (you moms know how unbelievably fast you can get to your baby when they need you) until one of us can get to her and comfort her.

Signs that this is going well are if she seeks us out for needs, if she is comforted by us, if she is apprehensive of others, and if she clings to us, if she looks for us when she is hurt. If she lets just anyone hold her or seems happy with strangers, those aren't good things. If she falls and hurts herself, but doesn't look for us to comfort her, she's not "tough", she just doesn't know that she can cry out for us. If things seem to be going well we may try to expand her world a little. If we see signs that she isn't handling it well, we may pull things back in.

Once we feel like she is attaching well to us and knows "her people", we will broaden her circle a little bit to our immediate families. She needs to learn about what a "mommy" and "daddy" are, but she also needs to learn about a Gigi and a Buddy and a Grandma and a Grandaddy. She will need to learn that these are also her people, but less her people than her parents. We will continue to expand this with other family, friends, and then others, like nursery workers or babysitters. It may not take long or it may take a while. We just don't know and won't know until we see how she does.

We really appreciate your help with not helping Ellie, but if you want to come play with the boys we won't turn you down! We can't wait for everyone to get to hold and love on Ellie, just give her time. Thank you for partnering with us to teach her how wonderful it can be to have a mommy and daddy forever!

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/09/09/cocooning/

http://www.jessicanwood.com/2016/04/04/when-we-come-home-our-adoption-cocooning-and-attachment-plans/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=email_this&utm_source=email

http://www.theadoptionmagazine.com/cocooning-part-2/

We're going to China!

SO much has happened in the short time since I updated.

We found out we have to redo our local background checks and be fingerprinted again due to Florida's rules for adoption. So I added that to the to-do list. We received news that our Article 5 pick up would be delayed because of the Independence Day holiday, so that was a bummer, but not a huge deal and we were told it would be picked up on July 10 rather than July 6. July 6 turned out to be a crazy day for Chinese adoption anyways. China released new rules and requirements regarding adoption, effective immediately. They changed things like how many children can be adopted at once, how many kids can be in the home already, and marriage requirements, among other things. One big change is that the youngest child in the home must be at least three years old. When these rules were released to the agencies, nobody was told if they applied to everyone in process, or if people, like us, who are about to travel to legally adopt their child, would be grandfathered in. For the better part of a day we didn't know if Ellie was coming home. Our agency did finally receive confirmation that anyone already officially matched with approval from China or who had their dossier already logged in would be grandfathered in. To say we were relieved would be a terrible understatement.

Our Article 5 pick-up did happen on Monday, July 10 and we began the wait for Travel Approval. I know Travel Approvals can take anywhere from three days to three weeks, with the current average being about ten days right now. When Thursday came, so did our Travel Approval! Much sooner than expected! Because our agency had already asked about travel dates, they went ahead and confirmed our consulate appointment date. ELLIE IS COMING HOME!

We will leave early on July 27 from Jacksonville. We will spend a day in Beijing seeing The Great Wall and going to an acrobat show, as well as adjusting to the time zone change before heading to Ellie's province. We will meet our daughter on July 31 and will officially, legally adopt her on August 1. We will travel to Guangzhou later that week, as all adoptive families from the United States must, to attend Ellie's consulate appointment and receive her immigrant visa. We will head to Hong Kong on August 10 and then fly to Greensboro from there the next morning.

We have been busy the last few days buying plane tickets, booking a hotel in Hong Kong, arranging our trip to Beijing, making work arrangements, getting Ellie's room ready, making final travel preparations and trying to do lingering projects around the house from moving. So, what does any responsible family do on the ONLY Saturday left in town before a big trip like this? Go to Disney World, of course! We had already been planning to go for the day on Saturday before we received travel approval and thought it would be nice to have a family day before we are away from our boys for two weeks and before we are a family of five! We had a great day! Charlie even got his first haircut at the Harmony Barber Shop on Main Street!

Please pray for us as we prepare to travel and throughout our trip.

-Please pray for Ellie as she is really too young to understand what is about to happen and she will be taken from the only place/people she has really known. Pray God gives her peace and also softens her heart towards us, that she would accept us.

-Pray for Graham and Charlie. They will have a fun time with family while we are gone, but we know us being away for so long will be hard on them.

-Pray for Tom and I as we travel. For peaceful hearts and calmed nerves, reassurance while we are away from our boys, our families as they care for our boys, health while we travel, and safety.

A picture of Ellie from our final update before travel! 

 Graham was excited to ride his very favorite ride twice since the line was short!

Charlie after his first haircut!

The boys in front of the Harmony Barber Shop

Next time you see us in front of this castle, there will be FIVE of us!